Be Thankful (even if it is April Fool's Day!)

Last night as I was laying in my bed I thought to myself. Most people do that, or they fall straight asleep which I will never fully understand how they do (but lucky for them they don't have to lay there waiting). Now, I was in a time of need where I just wanted to fall straight asleep, which never works for me, so all I could really do was lay, tossing and turning, thinking about life. Right now, I am at a point of confusion in my life. I question myself as well as the others around. I am looking for answers, but trying not to (how do you say....) rush to conclusions. I am leaving an open mind, but my anxiety is the part that pushes me to the depressing, more upsetting part of an answer, even if it may or may not be the right answer in the end. Every so often, though, I will remind myself that I might just be overreacting, and everything really is okay in fact. That is when my anxiety levels go down, and I can focus on being happy. Otherwise, I am just screwed.

So back to the part where I was trying to fall asleep for hours on end...

As I was thinking, and my stomach rumbled with worry...I thought. And guess what? I thought some more!

I thought about life. About what it is he (Adam) might be thinking, or doing, or saying. I thought about how I missed him. About how I would be upset if he were no longer in my life. About how he is worth it. About how I'm worrying about something I might just be overreacting about. About how I just wish he would text me that he loved me so I could just fall asleep. About how I miss him and his curly hair. About how if he left me the things I would miss..like our inside jokes, our crazy days together, his eyes that I swear are like (seriously!) my favorite color, our stuffed turtle family (don't diss on the turtles!), his smile (especially the part where he tries not to but I somehow make him smile, which makes me smile), and all this stuff about him that really can't be described.

And then I thought...

Even if he left me, I would still have a life worth living. 

And so I went on thinking about what makes me thankful for what I have in life and how I am grateful to be alive.

My two parents that are alive and healthy. My brothers, no matter how annoying and mean they are to me. A decent house with four walls, a floor underneath my feet, and a ceiling. Food to eat everyday, even if I swear to myself there is nothing in those cabinets, when they are obviously filled. That I am skinny. How I am beautiful and I wouldn't want to be anyone but me, with flaws and all. That I have friends who care, and are smart in what they do. To have clothes to wear to keep me warm. To have a job, for all those who are unemployed I am not, even if I do only work every other Saturday. To be a part of my school. To be alive. To have two legs on which I can walk. To have to arms and two hands to hold those I love with. To have to ears that I can hear from. Eyes that I can speak and see with. A nose that helps me smell, the bad and the good. Teeth that are healthy and help me chew my food, so I don't have to have dentures or drink food instead of eating it. Clean water that I can drink, and is at my disposal whenever I need it. My cell phone that lets me talk to people and hear their voices even if they are miles and miles away. A door to a room that I used to have privacy to (until I had to share that room with someone else ): ....). A brain that I can use to my advantage. This laptop that I can write this blog on. All of you who read this. All of the people who ever cared. And all of those who don't. The snow. The falling colorful leaves. The pool that cools me off on those hot summery days. The smell of spring. A smile that I can share. A working body...not completely healthy, but manageable non the least. And so much more that I will never have time to write about.

Now I am not saying that I would be happy if Adam left me, because believe me that is one of the last things I want to happen. I love him, so him leaving would change a lot in my life. If he left, I would be left with little to think about because pretty much all of my thoughts are directed towards him in one way or another. So, Adam if you read this...I am in love with you!

Tell me what you are thankful/grateful for! I would love to hear it!

Just remember all of those things that make life worth living when you start to shy away from the 'happy' you!