FEARS: TIPS AND MORE

Fears: we all have them!

They get us where we are weakest.

According to pretty much every study out there, public speaking is the number one most feared of all the fears we have. Not even death can overcompensate for how anxiety ridden we are when we are faced with getting up in front of a group of our peers or even strangers! That's absolutely insane to think about! Death, losing others or dying ourselves, is less frightful than standing and presenting our ideas to others when we are alive (may not be breathing, but we are living). Those others, being people we may never encounter again in our lives!

Very interesting fact, isn't it?

Our minds are more concerned with being rejected and disappointing others that we can't even seem to comprehend reality and the truth that hours after we speak publicly no one will probably remember if you hesitated, made a mistake, or, even worse, got sick! Yet, even if they did, why do you care what others think about you. They shouldn't make the decision of whether you're a strong, able-bodied person.

Be yourself!

Openly admit your opinions, because they are yours and no one in their right mind could change them unless you let them.
 

So, don't let them!

Personally, I have a terrible time trying to voice my opinion through speech. As you can probably see, I do way better at showing others how I feel and what I am thinking through writing.

 That's just me!

Now, use me as an example. I have anxiety. Specifically, we can talk about a more categorical kind of anxiety that I have: Agoraphobia. This is the fear, and yes I said "fear", of being stuck in a place or area where you cannot escape. Where people, including strangers, will see you having a panic attack or any such anxiety related symptoms. I have been afraid of riding in cars with my friends, staying over at other people's houses, and sitting in a classroom for 45-90 minutes.

I have been through excruciating pain by facing my fears. Do you know who forced me to do that? Let it be no surprise to you, but I, myself, me, put me through what horrible pain I have experienced up until the very day you read this post on my blog. For example, I used to get very, very sick to my stomach when I would just have to go to  attend school. On top of that, I did everything my peers did and more: I presented projects in front of the class, I joined the student council, I was part of the National Honors Society, I was Vice-President of a club, and I made myself a close student/teacher connection with pretty much all of my teachers, etc.

There is one thing I am most proud of to this day, though. Guess what I did? I made it throught all of this, and I can look back and say I did it no matter what happened throughout my journey.

Now, I am able to be more like myself, and, even better, I can be part of the very few percentage of Americans today that can more easily go up in front of a congregation of people, be it peers or strangers, and speak without having someone to physically or mentally force me to do so.

 I wouldn't say it is super easy, because then I would be lying. Hah! If it was that easy we'd all be excellent at facing public speaking with a positive approach!

This very week I will be putting myself through yet another challenge, a pageant. Yes, you may know that I have been in this specific pageant twice before and another one just once before. So I have had much experience with such an event. No, I never did place as a runner-up or win a title, but that never really mattered to me as much as the whole experience and opportunity that was given to me. I've learned more about myself participating than it would ever matter if I actually won the title or crown. Of course, it would be nice to be Miss Purcellville Police 2012, but I don't put it into my head that the reason for being a participant was ever to actual win. I do it, and without lie, to put myself through what pain I must endure to regain control of a life I should be a part of.

Let this be somewhat of a lesson to you all, that even a person with some sort of disabling feature can overcome the most extreme of extremes. That a fear is really what you set your mind to believe.

So I challenge you all to put yourself up to the test! Find some way of going beyond your comfort zone, and if not for your own good do it for the good of others. I want to see you succeed in your endeavors, whether you seem to fail, in your own eyes or the eyes of others, or not, you will have actually made a leap towards the right path. Don't let your mental incapabilities stop you from living your life.

 You all are capable of devouring your fears and demolishing the world with your experiences! Go ahead! Approach life face first, and I promise I'll be there to catch you if you fall.

(Please refrain from jumping off bridges, buildings, or other tall or possibly not so tall but dangerous places for I cannot catch you if you decide to do so!)

So here are my tips...

1. Remember to breathe
2. Take 10 seconds after any question is asked to look at your audience and comprehend what your about to say before you say anything at all
3. Thank your audience at the beginning of the speech
4. Nowadays, in our generation, people seem to think it is wrong for anyone to pause during a speech or before saying anything at all. What is really right is to actually pause between sentences to allow the listener to digest what you're saying and to give you time to put together your thoughts.
5. Make eye contact with those you are presenting your ideas to. If that is too hard, try to look a little above their forward to make it seem that you are allowing your eyes to come into contact with theirs. No matter how penetrating they may seem at the time, do it. This just tells you they might actually be listening.
6. Stay on topic! Don't wander off. If you have nothing more to say then stop once you've finished what you did have.
7. Just like a formal English paper, use an introduction, supporting sentences for the topic at hand, and finish it all with a conclusion to sum up the main idea you are trying to relay to your listener.
8. Be yourself! That's the most important of all the tips!
9. Know what you want to say, how you want to say it, and when you will say it
10. Practice!... In the mirror, in front of your friends, in your mind as you try to fall asleep, or write it down over and over again. Whatever works best for you!
11. Remind yourself that you can do this! Conquer your fear!

I'm sure there are plenty more, but for now that is all I can remember from my own experiences and what I've heard others speak about. Good luck my fellow public speakers!

"May the odds be ever in your favor!" (The Hunger Games)

Update of My Very Much Overwhelming Life

Lately I have found myself being severely overwhelmed.

"Oh," you wonder?

How can such a girl like me be so overwhelmed that she just doesn't know what to do with herself? It's possible!

It is very much so!

I've made my share of mistakes over the eighteen years I've thrived on this planet.

If the word "thrived" actually fit my life.

It is more so that I lived, died, relived, broke apart, fell, crawled, scraped through, stumbled, touched, hurdled, feared, cried, smelled, saw, loved, wrote, heard, made, hate, sang, laughed, swam, limped, climbed, etc, etc.

Yet, I'm still here everyone!

Look at that!

I've been on this crazy planet for more than 18 whole years.

Now I may not be doing the best at living my life right now, but give me props for trying.

 

Here's an update on some, but not all, of what I am going through at this moment...

• I'm learning how to be an adult..if that is even possible since at age 18 no one really treats you as such, yet they expect you to do so.
• I'm in my first semester of community college which someone told me I should take six classes. Worst idea in the history of education. Thanks for helping me feel like a failure and make me feel the unbearable overwhelming dread. *FAIL*
• I am dating one of my good friend's friends...whose name just happens to be Sam (M.R.)
• That good friend from above happens to be a guy named Aaron who is currently living on the couch in my living room of my parent's house in which I still inhabit a room in
•  I am going to therapy every Thursday between classes
• My math teacher is one of the most confusing professors I'll ever meet. Including his bifocals, latex gloves, briefcase, and most likely deliberate no-calculator-hardest-way-to-learn-but-best-way-for-me-to-confuse-the-student-while-only-taking-points-for-quizzes-and-tests-so-that-people-who-can-not-learn-applied-calculus-will-fail-my-class-miserably way of teaching.
• The professor who is not an English professor who gave me a 70 out of 100 for a short essay on a court case about education that I answered everything she wanted but somehow decides that since I made a few grammatical mistakes that she should take off 30 points. Oh, and she even spelled grammar wrong on the paper outline!
• The amount of work I am behind and will never catch up on because my parents did not buy me the supplies I needed in the beginning of the semester
• My brother who just got out of the hospital after having been diagnosed with a parasite and the doctor not being sure if he'd make it out alive
• My parents leaving for a long periof of time to visit my brother in Hawaii as he sat in the hospital
• My other brother and his girlfriend coming to the house just to eat my food! Which if you remember...I don't eat that much of what he can
• Losing a group of people who were as close as family to me because of some decisions that were made..whether they were right or wrong for the time being does not matter
• Remembering why it was that I am overwhelmed and then being overwhelmed cause I see how overwhelmed I really am
• The pageant that I'll be participating in this upcoming Saturday that I hope won't be overtaken by any of the other stressors in my life
• The fact that I feel that I sort of wasted my parents money for the first semester of my college education they paid for
• How I want independence but am not sure exactly how I'll end up going about doing so
• How I want my parents to be proud of me, but feel like I'm more or less making a fool out of myself
• The drama of my friends and those around me
• Trying to keep those suffering from depression and other issues alive
• The lack of money due to the fact that I do not have a job and that some of my money has not ever been given to me and by the people who intentionally used me for free because I thought I would be nice
• How all of this makes me go insane and how I try my best to hold it together
• How I need to show you, my readers, that through all this I'm still alive and still working through it as best as I can manage for the time being. To make you see that you can do it too!
• and much more...

That, my friends, was my update and a half plus a little bit of a rant and an extent of trying to release some, if any, stress in my life at this time.

Down Syndrome: We Can All Be Friends

Down Syndrome: We Can All Be Friends

 

 

 

 

^^^ Above is a link of a 13 minute video about children with Down Syndrome ^^^

 

If you don't already know, I am aspiring to be a Special Education teacher for high school-aged students. I have always been looking to find some way to make a difference in this world and to be able to reach out to the people.

 

THIS IS MY CALLING!

 

In my senior year of high school (Go WHS!!) I dropped my AP Statistics class a couple weeks into school because my anxiety was making me sick to my stomach and I was having trouble learning through just reading the textbook. Without doing this, I am not sure who I would be or what I would be wanting to do in my life. So, for one, I thank my anxiety, which is not always so bad to have, for making me switch out of that dreadful class.

 

You may be wondering why it is that I am thanking a class I never took for making me want to be a Special Education teacher. The answer is that I turned my sixth block into a time to aid students with different disabilities (best word I could find at this time). I got to meet the wonderful students and the teachers. They all taught me so much, about myself and about helping others. It threw my life in a whole new direction.

I got to see that sometimes my situation isn't always as bad as I make it out to be. Yes, I have anxiety. Yes, life is not easy. Yes, I am failing at my first semester in college. Yes, a lot of my friends have changed and moved on. Yes, yes, yes.

These kids made my days when I was holding back tears. They put a smile on my face, as I did the same for them. I saw them struggle to speak their mind, overcome their differences, and work in class. Yet, they accomplished so much in the year that I was with them. One boy was overweight and we all tried very hard to teach him nutritional values and about how exercise is important. Later that year he finally had his first salad, and they started him on a regimen of walking around the school to get into a habit of exercising. That same boy in the beginning of the year ate more than I could eat in a day and none of it was ever healthy.

One time we were playing soccer in the wrestling room, where there PE class is held, and I kicked the ball to the same boy I was talking about above. Guess what he did? He made it into the net! I was so proud of him. I gave him a high-five, and that one accomplishment made his day. Now, to this day, I feel like I made a difference in that boys life.

Another boy I worked with on occasion was both blind and deaf. Imagine that! I never knew he even existed, or went to our school, until the day I joined that class. I learned that to teach such a student was a very difficult task. As it is with any student really. Gosh, I wondered. How in the world could he learn? What was the point of even being at the school? Then I figured it out. You taught him by cause-and-effect: tap his hand three times to release the ball (even if he didn't actually let go on his own), let it roll down the ramp, and if it hit the pin he got to feel it). This wasn't just learning but it was sensory learning. If you can't see and can't hear all you really have left is your taste, smell, and touch. So he had to learn through that.

I couldn't even imagine how it would feel to be both blind and deaf. Not knowing what the world was like. What would I even think about? That would just kill me. So to see him wheelchair bound was hard. The poor guy. So weak. So unknowing of life. Yet, there he was eight hours every week day in the same school I sat in and learned my English, history, math, science, foreign language, music, and more. I still wonder what his mind goes through. He doesn't say any words, just moans and you're stuck figuring out what is wrong.

I've become friends with these students. They look up to me, and when I see them around town I call them by name. We have conversations in the hallways of school and at football games. It may be hard to understand them but I try my very best to comprehend what they are trying to tell me.

I want others to recognize that these kids are full of amazement. That they are just like us. They need friends. They enjoy singing and dancing. Being silly is what they do. Having fun is just a way of life. They feel secluded. They yearn to be like every one else, yet we just walk on past them as they sit in the hallway eating there lunch like everyone else but no one spends time with them. There only interaction is with the teachers.

So next time you are walking the halls of your school, or really anywhere for that matter, stop for a second and say "HEY!!". The smile you'll bring to their face will make you understand how I feel. It's the same feeling of being a teacher, which is exactly why I want to work with these students.

Watch the video if you haven't already! You'll learn something new! Even I did!

Love,
<3 p="p">
Forever Lexi =D

 

Thought We Were Family

I could not finish writing one of my posts because of what I read on Facebook. My brother who just a week ago was in the hospital pretty much dying commented on my status. I was saying how I give up on college. Then just now a day or two later I read what people commented and it was what my own brother said. He used to be my hero and such an inspiration to me. Now he's bringing tears to my eyes. He told me that if I couldn't make it through one semester of college then I should just give up on life. He said I was a quitter. I can barely write right now. Earlier I accidently squirted soap in my eye and this hurts more. I'm watching Tosh.O.  Why would my own brother do that to me? Just why?

October 27th

It was a chilly night a couple of days before Halloween. Two of my friends were walking with me down the town's main street. They were both guys, of course. On my left was a new friend who blatantly showed me his feelings both physically and mentally, and to my right was an old friend I hadn't seen nor talked to in three long years. On a saturday night, a teen like me should be out with her friends. So, of course, it wasn't unlike me to be walking to meet up with a couple other people. Down the street we went, making noise at 11 o'clock; we laughed up a storm as my boots crunching the leaves on the sidewalk as we went.
Being with other people takes my mind off of what I try to forget. Life. Oh, my life. I had just started college about two whole months ago and I was just dying with stress. All I could focus on was how behind I was, and how I just wanted out of it all. I was already so invested, though. Money was spent, and the hundreds of dollars I would put to waste if I just quit. I would let down my family and the friends I still had.
We made it to McDonald's. There they were, sitting at a table. We walked in and sat down at a table across from them. I had no idea what they were talking about, or who the three others were that sat with my two friends. I was distracted from the two guys who had walked in with me. There was a cute guy I could see sitting with them. Gosh, that's all I could think. I had to get to know him. Who was he?
I texted my friend who was sitting across from him: "Who is that? He's cute!".
The reply, "Oh, you mean Sam?"
"Ya, I guess. You should totally hook me up!".
I tried not to blush when I heard him say that Sam should scoot over to let me sit next to him or that he should come over and sit by me.
Unbeknownced to me, tonight was going to last way longer than I originally had thought, and I was definitely going to have a good time while I forgot about the stresses I left behind at home. After McDonald's was back down the street from where I came and I throw out the random idea of walking in the woods to circle back to McDonald's again. Oh, my whimsical ideas. Where they get me in life.
My friendly advice is that you must never wear boots with heels in the woods. Not safe or fun!

<<>>

What hurts the most...

The thing that hits me the hardest, deep inside where it hurts the most, is knowing that he may never understand me. Yes, I'll admit that at times I feel as if I barely know myself, but it is hard to see if he is really trying. I search for reasons that show me he cares and I do find them, however there is something missing. It's his feelings and persona towards mine; the ones of anxiety, of fear, of hurt, of sadness, and overall the feeling of not being understood. The one thing I yearn for most of all is for him to see me as I am, and have that connection where my thoughts turn to words and those words pierce that thick skull he's toughened through his own conflicted, obstacle-filled life. To have someone recognize your struggling and reach out for your hand to guide you along is what a father should do. I've always looked up to him as my hero, but now I am starting to stray from that point of thought. Who is my hero now? The strongest person I know of is myself... I know what I have gone through each and every day to get to where I am at this very moment.

My heart is confused as the blood rushes through, my brain cannot make decisions fast enough. What do I do? What do I do? There's no way to turn back on what has already
been done. So what do I do? I ask. Please give me an answer it would surely help. For if I know what I once knew, the only one who can truly help me is me.

Is Everything on the Internet True?

Sam M.R.  is adorable as can be <3 p="p">
P.S. I'm talking about you, silly!

Missed Call Mistake

Her reflection stared back at her as she stood there on the chilly linoleum floor. Her heart dropped as she wondered if she could ever be the same again. The days had passed by slowly since that fateful day, and she could tell nothing in life was going to be the same. EVER. She started pacing the paste white bathroom glancing sideways at her face every time she passed in view of the mirror. She had never thought that she would ever be faced with such a fate, one that could never be undone.

He was gone; his absence spread out on her face. She could barely stand looking at herself. It could have been different, she kept telling herself. Before she knew what life had given her, it was removed from her grasp. Even her mind couldn't put together what happened that night.

Her boss had called her. The option was hers,  she had the choice of heading back to get the files or staying at home. He'd been everything to her for the past six months. He would take her out to dinner, help her run errands, pick her up something from the grocery store. He would do anything for her if she needed. She felt in debt to him, and it was time she repay him. These papers were crucial. The deadline was drawing close. This was all riding on her, and she could feel the pressure of making him happy.

She had just been running back to the office for her paper work, the slight breeze blowing her chestnut brown ringlets in all different directions. So much was on her mind: her dinner plans, e-mails she had to send out to clients, photos she had forgotten to upload from a cousin's birthday weeks before, the present she just reminded herself she needed to buy for her best friend's wedding, and those papers for her boss. Her phone rang, playing Iridescent by Linkin' Park, but she did not have time to answer it. It rang again as she walked past the local coffee shop, a hang out for all of the college students to work on their, what they say is an, outrageous-number-of-pages-for-an-essay essay. Then once more as she headed past the quaint park to her left, which at this time of night you could always count on seeing parents pulling their whining children off the ladders of the jungle-gym and the various sized swings. With all that was on her mind she really did not have the time to answer.

As she was about to step towards the crosswalk she pulled out her phone. She hadn't been expecting a call, especially from him, but there his name, Andrew, in the missed calls list lit up her screen. A smile was immediately brought to her face. Oh, how it had been weeks since they had last talked! She kept on walking, her mind now clouded with memories of being with him. With the phone pulled up to her ear listening to the phone calling his number back, she was too busy to notice the cars headlights casting a shadow of her figure on the pavement. The wheels screeched, the horn blared, a person from behind her yelled, and then there was darkness.

Apologies (A note from Daddy's Little Princess)

It was Saturday, August 27^th in the year 1994. I’m not sure of the weather or the exact time when you first saw me, but I do know that you were one of the first people to hold me in their arms. The first time I opened my eyes you were most likely the one I looked up to, and even now those times haven’t changed much. It could never be said that for one day I didn’t appreciate your role in my life. Yes, almost eighteen strenuous, but joy-filled, years later I may act like the teenager you see me as, but what you might not know that every so often I think of how lucky I am. It could always be worse -- my situation, that is. I’m not perfect, and I know you’re not expecting me to be, but believe me I try for the people who love me most.


        It may seem as if I'm blind to all of the love you have shared with me throughout the years; the sweet tea, the donuts, the ginger ale when I'm sick, the random leftover candy, and so much more. Do know that I do realize that you care. Just like you, I'm not much of a person to apologize by my voice, that's just not how I communicate. Maybe that is the reason I say what I do the way I do? Writing has always been my strong point: from grammar to my blog, that’s always been there for me to vent how I feel.

“Never be ashamed to admit you were wrong. It only shows you are smarter today than you were yesterday.” ― Marilyn Taylor Klam

        As for the quote above, I have to admit that I probably could have made a better choice that night. I was upset, for one, because David couldn't hang out and I felt like Jessica wasn't really happy spending time with me. She has been treating me differently lately, and not having your best friend hurts. (We all have those times, though, and I know you have been in situations similar to mine before.) To tell you the truth, Jessica never tried to stop me or tell me my judgment was off. Tyler even confirmed that I heard everything that she said, and I missed nothing. If Jessica had mentioned something to me, it might have all been different, but she's blaming me for this. Just the other night, Jessica made a mistake herself; she had plans with Cody and when he cancelled on her, she thought she'd stop by at the Kobler's and stay for only a bit. The few minutes turned into hours, and her mom called her worried sick. Jessica didn't think she was going to stay there long and time passed her by before she knew it. We're all humans, and we all make mistakes.

There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not.

― How I Met Your Mother, Episode 21

        My mistake doesn't seem as much of a mistake as it does a wrong doing. Those may be of similarity, but not completely. The mistake I made was the incorrect judgment of the whole situation. My wrong doing, on the other hand, is the fact that I did what I did. Neither was intentional in any means. I didn't think I was putting myself in harm’s way by getting in the car with him, and in the end I really didn't. In my eyes, I don't technically see that night as a defiance of some sort or a way of imposing fear into others. I still look back and believe that what I did wasn't necessarily bad, but I do admit that it wasn't the best of ideas, either. I know we might never agree on this, that's just how life works. So, all I can ask is that you forgive me for what I did and see that I can/will make better decisions in the future.



        The way I live my life, I try my very best. As I said before, I can't be perfect but that won't stop me from trying my hardest to do so. My parents are the ones who taught me to be who I am; I make my decisions based on the lessons they've helped me learn and the knowledge they've instilled in me. Look how lucky you've got it! Your only daughter is a month from turning 18 and already graduated high school with an advanced diploma. She doesn't spend time with the kids who drink alcohol and do drugs. She's never smoked anything, not even meat. Nowadays, it is hard to find a teen like her. One who has a good group of friends, tries hard in school, hasn't given herself away, and has a good head on her shoulders. Not only do I have it good, but you do too.

I just want to be loved and cared for, and sometimes I get the feeling that no matter what I say you just don't listen. The day after the garage burnt down I remember standing next to you as you sat on the swing you built me. That was the first day I ever felt my heart drop as I looked at you; it killed me to see you so torn over the loss of your 'man cave'. You might have thought I just walked away from the swing because I was bored or tired of standing there, but I didn't want you to see my cry. I knew what you were feeling. That everything you worked up to was destroyed. I've been there.

Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

        In my anxiety, I spent a long seven years trying to figure out why I felt sick to my stomach every day, and each day I stuck through it. You might never have seen me at school, but I barely ever left the classroom. No matter how sick I felt, I always reminded myself that I could do it and that the class would be over soon. I get my strength (and my stubbornness) from you. Just last year we found out I had anxiety and it helped me realize I'm not alone. That's what I needed. It's just that I worked so hard by myself to get to where I was, and when I feel like you don't comprehend how I feel it kills me inside. Every therapist, counselor, and psychiatrist has told me how proud they are of me for sticking it out this long and making it so far in recovery. The problem is I can only do so much on my own, and that is where you come in. I need the support of a father, and you're the only one who has the power to give me that love. 



        So here is the realization you were awaiting. The one I've always had. Here is the respect you deserve, that you think I haven't given. I want to apologize now because I realize that you might not come home one day, and I want you to know that I love you. I will only have one father, and that father is you. You've always been the hero to me, nothing less.

“Milk Duds are the most apologetic of the boxed candies.”

― Sheldon Cooper

Love,

Daddy's Little Princess