What hurts the most...

The thing that hits me the hardest, deep inside where it hurts the most, is knowing that he may never understand me. Yes, I'll admit that at times I feel as if I barely know myself, but it is hard to see if he is really trying. I search for reasons that show me he cares and I do find them, however there is something missing. It's his feelings and persona towards mine; the ones of anxiety, of fear, of hurt, of sadness, and overall the feeling of not being understood. The one thing I yearn for most of all is for him to see me as I am, and have that connection where my thoughts turn to words and those words pierce that thick skull he's toughened through his own conflicted, obstacle-filled life. To have someone recognize your struggling and reach out for your hand to guide you along is what a father should do. I've always looked up to him as my hero, but now I am starting to stray from that point of thought. Who is my hero now? The strongest person I know of is myself... I know what I have gone through each and every day to get to where I am at this very moment.