Missed Call Mistake

Her reflection stared back at her as she stood there on the chilly linoleum floor. Her heart dropped as she wondered if she could ever be the same again. The days had passed by slowly since that fateful day, and she could tell nothing in life was going to be the same. EVER. She started pacing the paste white bathroom glancing sideways at her face every time she passed in view of the mirror. She had never thought that she would ever be faced with such a fate, one that could never be undone.

He was gone; his absence spread out on her face. She could barely stand looking at herself. It could have been different, she kept telling herself. Before she knew what life had given her, it was removed from her grasp. Even her mind couldn't put together what happened that night.

Her boss had called her. The option was hers,  she had the choice of heading back to get the files or staying at home. He'd been everything to her for the past six months. He would take her out to dinner, help her run errands, pick her up something from the grocery store. He would do anything for her if she needed. She felt in debt to him, and it was time she repay him. These papers were crucial. The deadline was drawing close. This was all riding on her, and she could feel the pressure of making him happy.

She had just been running back to the office for her paper work, the slight breeze blowing her chestnut brown ringlets in all different directions. So much was on her mind: her dinner plans, e-mails she had to send out to clients, photos she had forgotten to upload from a cousin's birthday weeks before, the present she just reminded herself she needed to buy for her best friend's wedding, and those papers for her boss. Her phone rang, playing Iridescent by Linkin' Park, but she did not have time to answer it. It rang again as she walked past the local coffee shop, a hang out for all of the college students to work on their, what they say is an, outrageous-number-of-pages-for-an-essay essay. Then once more as she headed past the quaint park to her left, which at this time of night you could always count on seeing parents pulling their whining children off the ladders of the jungle-gym and the various sized swings. With all that was on her mind she really did not have the time to answer.

As she was about to step towards the crosswalk she pulled out her phone. She hadn't been expecting a call, especially from him, but there his name, Andrew, in the missed calls list lit up her screen. A smile was immediately brought to her face. Oh, how it had been weeks since they had last talked! She kept on walking, her mind now clouded with memories of being with him. With the phone pulled up to her ear listening to the phone calling his number back, she was too busy to notice the cars headlights casting a shadow of her figure on the pavement. The wheels screeched, the horn blared, a person from behind her yelled, and then there was darkness.

Apologies (A note from Daddy's Little Princess)

It was Saturday, August 27^th in the year 1994. I’m not sure of the weather or the exact time when you first saw me, but I do know that you were one of the first people to hold me in their arms. The first time I opened my eyes you were most likely the one I looked up to, and even now those times haven’t changed much. It could never be said that for one day I didn’t appreciate your role in my life. Yes, almost eighteen strenuous, but joy-filled, years later I may act like the teenager you see me as, but what you might not know that every so often I think of how lucky I am. It could always be worse -- my situation, that is. I’m not perfect, and I know you’re not expecting me to be, but believe me I try for the people who love me most.


        It may seem as if I'm blind to all of the love you have shared with me throughout the years; the sweet tea, the donuts, the ginger ale when I'm sick, the random leftover candy, and so much more. Do know that I do realize that you care. Just like you, I'm not much of a person to apologize by my voice, that's just not how I communicate. Maybe that is the reason I say what I do the way I do? Writing has always been my strong point: from grammar to my blog, that’s always been there for me to vent how I feel.

“Never be ashamed to admit you were wrong. It only shows you are smarter today than you were yesterday.” ― Marilyn Taylor Klam

        As for the quote above, I have to admit that I probably could have made a better choice that night. I was upset, for one, because David couldn't hang out and I felt like Jessica wasn't really happy spending time with me. She has been treating me differently lately, and not having your best friend hurts. (We all have those times, though, and I know you have been in situations similar to mine before.) To tell you the truth, Jessica never tried to stop me or tell me my judgment was off. Tyler even confirmed that I heard everything that she said, and I missed nothing. If Jessica had mentioned something to me, it might have all been different, but she's blaming me for this. Just the other night, Jessica made a mistake herself; she had plans with Cody and when he cancelled on her, she thought she'd stop by at the Kobler's and stay for only a bit. The few minutes turned into hours, and her mom called her worried sick. Jessica didn't think she was going to stay there long and time passed her by before she knew it. We're all humans, and we all make mistakes.

There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not.

― How I Met Your Mother, Episode 21

        My mistake doesn't seem as much of a mistake as it does a wrong doing. Those may be of similarity, but not completely. The mistake I made was the incorrect judgment of the whole situation. My wrong doing, on the other hand, is the fact that I did what I did. Neither was intentional in any means. I didn't think I was putting myself in harm’s way by getting in the car with him, and in the end I really didn't. In my eyes, I don't technically see that night as a defiance of some sort or a way of imposing fear into others. I still look back and believe that what I did wasn't necessarily bad, but I do admit that it wasn't the best of ideas, either. I know we might never agree on this, that's just how life works. So, all I can ask is that you forgive me for what I did and see that I can/will make better decisions in the future.



        The way I live my life, I try my very best. As I said before, I can't be perfect but that won't stop me from trying my hardest to do so. My parents are the ones who taught me to be who I am; I make my decisions based on the lessons they've helped me learn and the knowledge they've instilled in me. Look how lucky you've got it! Your only daughter is a month from turning 18 and already graduated high school with an advanced diploma. She doesn't spend time with the kids who drink alcohol and do drugs. She's never smoked anything, not even meat. Nowadays, it is hard to find a teen like her. One who has a good group of friends, tries hard in school, hasn't given herself away, and has a good head on her shoulders. Not only do I have it good, but you do too.

I just want to be loved and cared for, and sometimes I get the feeling that no matter what I say you just don't listen. The day after the garage burnt down I remember standing next to you as you sat on the swing you built me. That was the first day I ever felt my heart drop as I looked at you; it killed me to see you so torn over the loss of your 'man cave'. You might have thought I just walked away from the swing because I was bored or tired of standing there, but I didn't want you to see my cry. I knew what you were feeling. That everything you worked up to was destroyed. I've been there.

Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

        In my anxiety, I spent a long seven years trying to figure out why I felt sick to my stomach every day, and each day I stuck through it. You might never have seen me at school, but I barely ever left the classroom. No matter how sick I felt, I always reminded myself that I could do it and that the class would be over soon. I get my strength (and my stubbornness) from you. Just last year we found out I had anxiety and it helped me realize I'm not alone. That's what I needed. It's just that I worked so hard by myself to get to where I was, and when I feel like you don't comprehend how I feel it kills me inside. Every therapist, counselor, and psychiatrist has told me how proud they are of me for sticking it out this long and making it so far in recovery. The problem is I can only do so much on my own, and that is where you come in. I need the support of a father, and you're the only one who has the power to give me that love. 



        So here is the realization you were awaiting. The one I've always had. Here is the respect you deserve, that you think I haven't given. I want to apologize now because I realize that you might not come home one day, and I want you to know that I love you. I will only have one father, and that father is you. You've always been the hero to me, nothing less.

“Milk Duds are the most apologetic of the boxed candies.”

― Sheldon Cooper

Love,

Daddy's Little Princess

A Quote by Charlie Wilks

I have a quote from a video I was asked to watch for one of my college classes: "If you imagine a disability as a crutch, don’t use the disability as a crutch. You should use the disability as a leg and start running".

 This is from a teen, Charlie Wilks, born on June 5, 1995 that was born like just any normal human being, but when they found out he had a tumor that grew to the size of an orange he was going blind. Eventually his optical nerve was severed, and he went completely blind. In 7th grade he was allowed by both his parents and the coaches of the football team to try out for a position. Though he may have been blind, he made the spot just as any other kid would have, and now he aspires to be a professional football player just like his grandfather once was. His quote really caught my attention: it reaches out to me, touching my heart. I can understand what he means by looking at a disability, or even an obstacle, and not looking at it with disdain, but rather with the knowledge that you can use it for the better. Just because something may be holding you back or stopping you from being "normal" does not mean you should just let it set you aside from the rest. In many of my other posts, I have talked about how my anxiety has caused me to struggle throughout my life, yet I never let that stop me from trying to be myself: I became a cheerleader, a Vice-President for a club, a part of the SCA, a friend/mentor to many, and so much more. I wish to reach out to the world and show everyone just because you may have a disability doesn't mean you are "disabled". Throughout my only few studies in becoming a Special Education teacher, I have watched and heard many stories of people that have gone and overcome their own challenges. People looked down apon them because they were "different", "disabled", "useless", "broken", "stupid", "unimportant", "retarded", "helpless", and a multitude of many other hurtful and heartbreaking/heartwrenching words. I feel for them. I feel for them because I can relate.

 

Follow link to watch the video:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/zTrEkNlx16E