Missed Call Mistake

Her reflection stared back at her as she stood there on the chilly linoleum floor. Her heart dropped as she wondered if she could ever be the same again. The days had passed by slowly since that fateful day, and she could tell nothing in life was going to be the same. EVER. She started pacing the paste white bathroom glancing sideways at her face every time she passed in view of the mirror. She had never thought that she would ever be faced with such a fate, one that could never be undone.

He was gone; his absence spread out on her face. She could barely stand looking at herself. It could have been different, she kept telling herself. Before she knew what life had given her, it was removed from her grasp. Even her mind couldn't put together what happened that night.

Her boss had called her. The option was hers,  she had the choice of heading back to get the files or staying at home. He'd been everything to her for the past six months. He would take her out to dinner, help her run errands, pick her up something from the grocery store. He would do anything for her if she needed. She felt in debt to him, and it was time she repay him. These papers were crucial. The deadline was drawing close. This was all riding on her, and she could feel the pressure of making him happy.

She had just been running back to the office for her paper work, the slight breeze blowing her chestnut brown ringlets in all different directions. So much was on her mind: her dinner plans, e-mails she had to send out to clients, photos she had forgotten to upload from a cousin's birthday weeks before, the present she just reminded herself she needed to buy for her best friend's wedding, and those papers for her boss. Her phone rang, playing Iridescent by Linkin' Park, but she did not have time to answer it. It rang again as she walked past the local coffee shop, a hang out for all of the college students to work on their, what they say is an, outrageous-number-of-pages-for-an-essay essay. Then once more as she headed past the quaint park to her left, which at this time of night you could always count on seeing parents pulling their whining children off the ladders of the jungle-gym and the various sized swings. With all that was on her mind she really did not have the time to answer.

As she was about to step towards the crosswalk she pulled out her phone. She hadn't been expecting a call, especially from him, but there his name, Andrew, in the missed calls list lit up her screen. A smile was immediately brought to her face. Oh, how it had been weeks since they had last talked! She kept on walking, her mind now clouded with memories of being with him. With the phone pulled up to her ear listening to the phone calling his number back, she was too busy to notice the cars headlights casting a shadow of her figure on the pavement. The wheels screeched, the horn blared, a person from behind her yelled, and then there was darkness.

Apologies (A note from Daddy's Little Princess)

It was Saturday, August 27^th in the year 1994. I’m not sure of the weather or the exact time when you first saw me, but I do know that you were one of the first people to hold me in their arms. The first time I opened my eyes you were most likely the one I looked up to, and even now those times haven’t changed much. It could never be said that for one day I didn’t appreciate your role in my life. Yes, almost eighteen strenuous, but joy-filled, years later I may act like the teenager you see me as, but what you might not know that every so often I think of how lucky I am. It could always be worse -- my situation, that is. I’m not perfect, and I know you’re not expecting me to be, but believe me I try for the people who love me most.


        It may seem as if I'm blind to all of the love you have shared with me throughout the years; the sweet tea, the donuts, the ginger ale when I'm sick, the random leftover candy, and so much more. Do know that I do realize that you care. Just like you, I'm not much of a person to apologize by my voice, that's just not how I communicate. Maybe that is the reason I say what I do the way I do? Writing has always been my strong point: from grammar to my blog, that’s always been there for me to vent how I feel.

“Never be ashamed to admit you were wrong. It only shows you are smarter today than you were yesterday.” ― Marilyn Taylor Klam

        As for the quote above, I have to admit that I probably could have made a better choice that night. I was upset, for one, because David couldn't hang out and I felt like Jessica wasn't really happy spending time with me. She has been treating me differently lately, and not having your best friend hurts. (We all have those times, though, and I know you have been in situations similar to mine before.) To tell you the truth, Jessica never tried to stop me or tell me my judgment was off. Tyler even confirmed that I heard everything that she said, and I missed nothing. If Jessica had mentioned something to me, it might have all been different, but she's blaming me for this. Just the other night, Jessica made a mistake herself; she had plans with Cody and when he cancelled on her, she thought she'd stop by at the Kobler's and stay for only a bit. The few minutes turned into hours, and her mom called her worried sick. Jessica didn't think she was going to stay there long and time passed her by before she knew it. We're all humans, and we all make mistakes.

There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not.

― How I Met Your Mother, Episode 21

        My mistake doesn't seem as much of a mistake as it does a wrong doing. Those may be of similarity, but not completely. The mistake I made was the incorrect judgment of the whole situation. My wrong doing, on the other hand, is the fact that I did what I did. Neither was intentional in any means. I didn't think I was putting myself in harm’s way by getting in the car with him, and in the end I really didn't. In my eyes, I don't technically see that night as a defiance of some sort or a way of imposing fear into others. I still look back and believe that what I did wasn't necessarily bad, but I do admit that it wasn't the best of ideas, either. I know we might never agree on this, that's just how life works. So, all I can ask is that you forgive me for what I did and see that I can/will make better decisions in the future.



        The way I live my life, I try my very best. As I said before, I can't be perfect but that won't stop me from trying my hardest to do so. My parents are the ones who taught me to be who I am; I make my decisions based on the lessons they've helped me learn and the knowledge they've instilled in me. Look how lucky you've got it! Your only daughter is a month from turning 18 and already graduated high school with an advanced diploma. She doesn't spend time with the kids who drink alcohol and do drugs. She's never smoked anything, not even meat. Nowadays, it is hard to find a teen like her. One who has a good group of friends, tries hard in school, hasn't given herself away, and has a good head on her shoulders. Not only do I have it good, but you do too.

I just want to be loved and cared for, and sometimes I get the feeling that no matter what I say you just don't listen. The day after the garage burnt down I remember standing next to you as you sat on the swing you built me. That was the first day I ever felt my heart drop as I looked at you; it killed me to see you so torn over the loss of your 'man cave'. You might have thought I just walked away from the swing because I was bored or tired of standing there, but I didn't want you to see my cry. I knew what you were feeling. That everything you worked up to was destroyed. I've been there.

Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

        In my anxiety, I spent a long seven years trying to figure out why I felt sick to my stomach every day, and each day I stuck through it. You might never have seen me at school, but I barely ever left the classroom. No matter how sick I felt, I always reminded myself that I could do it and that the class would be over soon. I get my strength (and my stubbornness) from you. Just last year we found out I had anxiety and it helped me realize I'm not alone. That's what I needed. It's just that I worked so hard by myself to get to where I was, and when I feel like you don't comprehend how I feel it kills me inside. Every therapist, counselor, and psychiatrist has told me how proud they are of me for sticking it out this long and making it so far in recovery. The problem is I can only do so much on my own, and that is where you come in. I need the support of a father, and you're the only one who has the power to give me that love. 



        So here is the realization you were awaiting. The one I've always had. Here is the respect you deserve, that you think I haven't given. I want to apologize now because I realize that you might not come home one day, and I want you to know that I love you. I will only have one father, and that father is you. You've always been the hero to me, nothing less.

“Milk Duds are the most apologetic of the boxed candies.”

― Sheldon Cooper

Love,

Daddy's Little Princess

A Quote by Charlie Wilks

I have a quote from a video I was asked to watch for one of my college classes: "If you imagine a disability as a crutch, don’t use the disability as a crutch. You should use the disability as a leg and start running".

 This is from a teen, Charlie Wilks, born on June 5, 1995 that was born like just any normal human being, but when they found out he had a tumor that grew to the size of an orange he was going blind. Eventually his optical nerve was severed, and he went completely blind. In 7th grade he was allowed by both his parents and the coaches of the football team to try out for a position. Though he may have been blind, he made the spot just as any other kid would have, and now he aspires to be a professional football player just like his grandfather once was. His quote really caught my attention: it reaches out to me, touching my heart. I can understand what he means by looking at a disability, or even an obstacle, and not looking at it with disdain, but rather with the knowledge that you can use it for the better. Just because something may be holding you back or stopping you from being "normal" does not mean you should just let it set you aside from the rest. In many of my other posts, I have talked about how my anxiety has caused me to struggle throughout my life, yet I never let that stop me from trying to be myself: I became a cheerleader, a Vice-President for a club, a part of the SCA, a friend/mentor to many, and so much more. I wish to reach out to the world and show everyone just because you may have a disability doesn't mean you are "disabled". Throughout my only few studies in becoming a Special Education teacher, I have watched and heard many stories of people that have gone and overcome their own challenges. People looked down apon them because they were "different", "disabled", "useless", "broken", "stupid", "unimportant", "retarded", "helpless", and a multitude of many other hurtful and heartbreaking/heartwrenching words. I feel for them. I feel for them because I can relate.

 

Follow link to watch the video:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/zTrEkNlx16E

The High School Graduate's Guide to Life

Tomorrow is the day I have a chance to start anew.

While I look forward to my future knowing everyday will be filled with adventure unknown to man, criticism to the extreme, excessive happiness, childish behaviors looking to be matured, loves to be gained/lost, a world of the unfamiliar, lessons still gone unlearned, mental/emotional hurdles to jump, new characters to meet, and a life to be lived to its fullest, I know that to look at my past as I step forward into the mystery of my life ahead is my only map. 

A map I designed myself, and one only I can follow.

I'd like to say that I made that map with my own two hands, but that would be like saying I gave birth to myself. To leave out those who have aided in the design, the hard work, the patience, the frustrations, the critical thinking, the brutal tasks, the laughs, the cries, the long talks, the lessons that had to be learned, the injuries, the fights, the hugs, and all that comes with those listed above would be disheartening. Every family member, every friend, every love, every acquaintance, every teacher, every counselor, every doctor, every face I've known and seen through the years should be listed above, but unfortunately I can't name every face I've seen or every person I've known through the 17 years I've crawled/walked/ran/laughed/skipped/jumped/cried/smiled/hopped/hugged/cartwheeled on this most imperfect of worlds. 

Every smile I've received was a gift, a present given to me whether it be unknown to the one who bestowed it upon me or whether it be intentional.

 This map I speak of lead me to the path I now take and even though I may be struggling along at times, dragging my feet, and falling behind I've still got a future ahead of me and my map of life will continue to be filled with each and every minor detail I collect/learn.

All of the above has brought me here today.

Be Thankful (even if it is April Fool's Day!)

Last night as I was laying in my bed I thought to myself. Most people do that, or they fall straight asleep which I will never fully understand how they do (but lucky for them they don't have to lay there waiting). Now, I was in a time of need where I just wanted to fall straight asleep, which never works for me, so all I could really do was lay, tossing and turning, thinking about life. Right now, I am at a point of confusion in my life. I question myself as well as the others around. I am looking for answers, but trying not to (how do you say....) rush to conclusions. I am leaving an open mind, but my anxiety is the part that pushes me to the depressing, more upsetting part of an answer, even if it may or may not be the right answer in the end. Every so often, though, I will remind myself that I might just be overreacting, and everything really is okay in fact. That is when my anxiety levels go down, and I can focus on being happy. Otherwise, I am just screwed.

So back to the part where I was trying to fall asleep for hours on end...

As I was thinking, and my stomach rumbled with worry...I thought. And guess what? I thought some more!

I thought about life. About what it is he (Adam) might be thinking, or doing, or saying. I thought about how I missed him. About how I would be upset if he were no longer in my life. About how he is worth it. About how I'm worrying about something I might just be overreacting about. About how I just wish he would text me that he loved me so I could just fall asleep. About how I miss him and his curly hair. About how if he left me the things I would miss..like our inside jokes, our crazy days together, his eyes that I swear are like (seriously!) my favorite color, our stuffed turtle family (don't diss on the turtles!), his smile (especially the part where he tries not to but I somehow make him smile, which makes me smile), and all this stuff about him that really can't be described.

And then I thought...

Even if he left me, I would still have a life worth living. 

And so I went on thinking about what makes me thankful for what I have in life and how I am grateful to be alive.

My two parents that are alive and healthy. My brothers, no matter how annoying and mean they are to me. A decent house with four walls, a floor underneath my feet, and a ceiling. Food to eat everyday, even if I swear to myself there is nothing in those cabinets, when they are obviously filled. That I am skinny. How I am beautiful and I wouldn't want to be anyone but me, with flaws and all. That I have friends who care, and are smart in what they do. To have clothes to wear to keep me warm. To have a job, for all those who are unemployed I am not, even if I do only work every other Saturday. To be a part of my school. To be alive. To have two legs on which I can walk. To have to arms and two hands to hold those I love with. To have to ears that I can hear from. Eyes that I can speak and see with. A nose that helps me smell, the bad and the good. Teeth that are healthy and help me chew my food, so I don't have to have dentures or drink food instead of eating it. Clean water that I can drink, and is at my disposal whenever I need it. My cell phone that lets me talk to people and hear their voices even if they are miles and miles away. A door to a room that I used to have privacy to (until I had to share that room with someone else ): ....). A brain that I can use to my advantage. This laptop that I can write this blog on. All of you who read this. All of the people who ever cared. And all of those who don't. The snow. The falling colorful leaves. The pool that cools me off on those hot summery days. The smell of spring. A smile that I can share. A working body...not completely healthy, but manageable non the least. And so much more that I will never have time to write about.

Now I am not saying that I would be happy if Adam left me, because believe me that is one of the last things I want to happen. I love him, so him leaving would change a lot in my life. If he left, I would be left with little to think about because pretty much all of my thoughts are directed towards him in one way or another. So, Adam if you read this...I am in love with you!

Tell me what you are thankful/grateful for! I would love to hear it!

Just remember all of those things that make life worth living when you start to shy away from the 'happy' you!

You Matter

It has been a while since I last wrote but I thought since I was staying home sick today from school (yep, the day before spring break) that I would write. The last day of the third quarter is today, and I am missing it. My adorable boyfriend, Adam, is in Florida on his spring trip for guitar and I miss him like crazy.

I want to be truthful right now and say that I was scared and still am of his going to Florida. One reason was because of this girl who is after him, and won't stop at nothing to get him even though she knows that he and I are dating. It is not that I don't trust Adam, because I do, it is just that girls like that will put up a fight and will find ways around obstacles (like me). I hated to see him go on Wednesday, knowing he'd be gone for 4 days, but I knew I could make it through those days. I have been away from him for way longer, but it was the fact that I don't trust that girl one bit. 

I know he loves me, and I love him.

Now the reason I'm worried is not because of this girl, it is because he seems mad at me. We did promise to text each other while he was on the trip, and unfortunately he hasn't been doing that. Now, I actually can live with him not texting me. That doesn't bother me, truthfully. The thing that does bother me, though, is the fact that he seems quite upset with me, or mad, and I am not sure why. I have done nothing wrong, so it really confuses me. So when he did send me a text that said, "ha." and "have a good spring break", it really worried me because it seemed to me that he was being sarcastic.

 Who knows? I might be over reacting. I do that sometimes.

The thing is my anxiety levels go up when something like this happens because I love this guy way more than he knows, and there are so many things he has changed in me that he doesn't see. When my anxiety goes up, my stomach hurts. When my stomach hurts, I can't eat. When I don't eat, I feel more sick. That is the circle of my life. So, I really put myself into a bad situation every time we have a fight or we're upset at each other.

 I couldn't feel more comfortable around anyone than I do with him. 

Every time I see his face there is an automatic smile on mine. I would try anything to show him how it is that I love him. I love bringing him little surprises, especially when he least expects them. When he gets back from his trip, he is going to be blown out of his mind. I don't believe he will be able to handle everything that is going on. At least, I sort of hope that is the case.

So, as I sit here writing this I am wondering what it is he is thinking.

 Is he upset at me? Why would that be? What could I have done? Am I overreacting? Is he? Is he just enjoying himself, and being distracted? I love him. Wonder what he is doing? How is he? I hope he is having a ton of fun! I can't wait till he gets back, though! Will he like my surprises? Will he read this? If he is mad, is it something that can be fixed? 

Who knows the answer to those questions? He does.

I can live with him not texting me, but I cannot live without him in my life. I am not sure if he sees how important he is to me and how he affects my life, because that really is a huge deal. You know, I am proud of myself. Why, you ask? Well because I have changed. I know what I did at the end of January was wrong,  liking someone else, and ever since Adam had broken up with me it flipped my world upside down. I really did deserve that, and I definitely needed it. I no longer like anyone but him. I have no feelings towards any other guy, other than friendship, and I couldn't be happier. I never thought I could do that, but he proved to me that it can be done...along with some pain, suffering, time, and work. It's possible, and he helped me prove it to myself.

***

Side note:
Adam Hoff if you ever ask yourself why you are meant to be here in this world, look around. You change the lives of everyone around you, even if you don't initially see it. I know that it is hard being a teenager and growing up isn't always a ton of fun. I know we want to grow up, be adults, and have the right to do what we want without anyone holding us back. While we want that, what we don't know is that we don't want to rush life. We are happy where we are, truthfully. You like being you. You are adorable, thoughtful, sweet, caring, sincere, crazy (in a very hilarious, good way), loving, friendly, you could kill anyone with your smile, you are really smart (seriously, I am not making that up! Don't let anyone tell you different, or put you down!), you are a(n)  _______ (fill in the blank with all of the words that could describe how you are such a great swimmer) swimmer, you have a great life ahead of you, and you will change the world. I love you for you, and nothing and no one else!

***

I know it is hard to trust anyone but yourself, especially if many people have betrayed the trust you set for them. Working that trust up again is a lot of work, and you will ask yourself why it is they deserve your effort. Now, I can't say for a fact that it is always worth it, but sometimes it may be. Search for those answers to your questions, I am sure they are there somewhere close by, even if they do involve a bunch of digging around. Don't let anyone but yourself influence your decisions, because only you know what is right for you. 

Take your time, but don't take forever, because the world can't dish out that much for anyone, even if you are super special and important!

Spring Blossoms New Stress

I want to hear your thoughts about what you'd like to read about, and I'd love to share my views of the world with you. From school to home. From best days to the worst of the worst. From relationships to personal problems. From a comment to a slur. Bring it on! I'm ready for everything you have to offer. Give me a topic. 

I'd rather write than do my homework...right?

Now that it is spring...or well as warm as spring is...I may actually get some fresh air while writing. I love the smell of the fresh dew in the morning, to hear the birds chirping as the sun rises, to walk around barefoot and not have to worry about freezing my toes off. It's beautiful this time of year, and it reminds me how much I love life. I would love to spend time with my love outside enjoying this nice weather while it lasts (cause who really knows what mother nature intends), but he's been on restriction and has swim and has been super busy. That is what keeps me inside, the fact that I have no one I want to spend this delightful blessing of a spring, or end of winter, with. My best friend has been super busy with work, her boyfriend, and school, so we haven't really had time to hang out. Leaving me with Caroline, a family friend who lives in my house now and is a freshmen, which is a different story completely.

Stress has hit me. Hasn't it gotten to you, yet? 

School, Family, Boyfriend, Projects, Work, Friends, Money, Life...(just to name a few)! My anxiety levels are up, school has been frustrating. I work every other Saturday, making 6.50/hr and only work 2-3 hours. I have a huge project, diorama, for my Early Childhood class that is super intense in detail and I feel like no matter how much I try it will never come out to the teacher's liking. Friends, well they are friends, they come and go as they wish and have their own agendas, you just have to work around them. Family, oh my family; my home life has been crazy with Caroline and her father moving in, me sharing a bedroom/bathroom with her, and just all the other usual stuff that goes on behind closed doors. My Boyfriend. Well.........Haha! Just Kidding! I love the kid! He's always there for me (most the time that is) when I need him, and even when I don't (which by the way is NEVER). Even though we have our disagreements and problems, from time to time, we are working on ways to make our relationship stronger and healthier. He's worth it, believe me!

Life is life, what can I say! 

Try to Understand

Here is a poem I just wrote..read it and tell me what you think. It was a spur of the moment inspirational composition. Nothing fancy.

Hear Me Out

By: Forever Lexi

You never try to listen, when all I want is to be heard.

You never even give me the chance to say a single word.

When my days go wrong and all I want is to be left alone.

Then you'll knock at my door to say "get off the phone".

He is the only one who truly listens to how I feel.

The one person who can point out the perfect teal.

His mind stays open as does his heart. 

Every word, every thought, every minuscule part.

I know our days are different, and life is hard,

But there are feelings I don't let pass through my guard.

You may sleep all day and work all night,

But you don't see it through the same light.

When you are gone at work I worry,

But when you are home it's always fury.

If I try to explain to you a thought,

My words automatically get fought.

Just stop for a minute and see,

That I am only me.

Not everyone is the same as you,

Anxiety or depression or a medical issue.

Dream Come True

It is like it was out of a fairy-tale...

For nights after he broke up with me I would have dreams, dreams that he would forgive me. He would hold me close to him and everything would be better again. Just like that one song, the only place I could see his adorable, precious face and see him smile was in my dreams.

Those dreams...they came true!

He is the one person in my life that I have felt so comfortable with...one thing that my anxiety makes it difficult for me to do. He is my best friend in life. He is that someone I can tell everything to, without hesitation. His eyes make me calm. His face reminds me of why I live each day the way I do. My hand in his tells me I'm not alone. I don't have to act, I can just be myself with him. His craziness shows me that I can be silly and weird and stupid...and no matter what he'll still see me the same way as he always has.

"Love is hard work; and hard work sometimes hurts."

-Unknown Author

Every school day morning, no matter how bad I feel or how much I don't want to go to school, I get up and go because of him. He is my inspiration. He sees past all of  my flaws. He believes I look beautiful at my worst. He thinks I am perfect even when I broke his heart. He is there for me when I need someone to just listen. He is more than I could ever ask for. 

He deserves better than me, but I'll accept that he has settled for less. <3

Every night before I go to sleep I hope to hear his voice. He puts this sense of peace and serenity into my life that I've never felt before. He makes me smile like I've never smiled before. We are alike in ways we cannot explain. We have our inside jokes and our own vocabulary.

"Our love is here to stay."
-Ira Gershwin

It feels like we never broke up, even though I know we did, and believe me I am glad you took the initiative to. I am happier than I was before, thanks to you. We are better than we are before, stronger and healthier, happier and smarter. 

You are mine and I am yours.

"It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone, when your heart still does."

-Mallory Jones

To Flirt or NOT to Flirt

Hey My Followers!

I apologize for being M.I.A. but now I am back! Lots of work going on my senior year of high school!

Let me catch you up on some stuff in my life...

Well I am back from a three day weekend turned horrible with food poisoning from a burrito at El Sloppy Taco (not their fault, it was mine for not refrigerating it afterwards). Working on a file folder, coloring and then some more of that stuff we did in kindergarten and first grade and second...something we weren't meant to be doing in high school. Oh, and then I cut, and cut some more until there were marks on my fingers and my hands ached from cutting. Then I glued which made my hands sticky and gross. Forgot to study for a history test that I could swear for some reason I thought we had taken already. Worked at my aunt's store, Pixie Kidz, and then babysat; children love me for some odd reason, and cannot stop fighting over where I will sleep. Ate a delicious heart shaped pancake. Yummm! Tried out my lesson plan that went disastrous; they were too interested in opening the Easter eggs rather than shaking them to hear what sound they made.  Went around school taping Dr. Seuss birthday cards to a large amount of the school's lockers after I had hot glued at least a couple hundred Dr. Seuss hat stickers to each paper. Got some information on graduation. Am having chest pains for some weird reason and a bunch of other random things that I cannot seem to remember about my long time away from my blog.

Last but not least, I have a boyfriend!..but he requires his own paragraph (or, maybe, more).

So as you might have known from my first post, my boyfriend had broken up with me at the end of January. Why, you might ask? Reason is I was stupid. Easy to say, right? I loved him. He meant the world to me. But what I did might seem like those things were lies. I'm a flirt, simply saying. I am in love with the fact that others like me. I will say that at times I went a little too far with it, the flirting. I knew what I did was wrong and I have been trying to overtake my bad habits with good ones. I was doing great. I had decreased my flirting, but I had made a few mistakes on taking it too far and in January I hit the last straw. I met a guy who was deaf and automatically started liking him, thanks to the ABC Family hit show Switched at Birth. Texting turned to flirting which turned to a video chat. Wow, did I make a mistake, and not only hurt one person but probably two. 

Side note: I apologize for leading you on Troy! and for my love...I'll keep my apologies person-to-person.

Now, I went through about a week and a half of hell. Yep, it sucked. Can't phrase it any other way. Ironically, I got a note on my locker just the other day saying something like the pain was worth suffering through. It was right. It was worth suffering. I spent days eating little to nothing, slept for hours on end, cried myself to sleep, tried to smile and pretend I was happy, took alternate paths just hoping to see him in the halls (cause I knew he was avoiding the normal routine), spent classes searching for songs to show him just how I felt, felt sicker than normal, planned an amazing Valentine's day for him, wrote a four page essay explaining everything and nothing, and tried every little thing to say just how much he meant to me. My best friend told me..."it'll be alright, don't worry" and of course I said "no it won't!" as I sobbed and moaned. Of course the one time she is right...(LOL, I love you JESSICA)! I am so glad she was right, and also glad that she was right there next to me when I needed her most. Thanks my hopping bunny side kick!

 "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be."

In the end, I got the love of my life back. Pretty much sounds like a romantic movie almost. Yay for happy endings! I made him a heart-shaped pizza with pepperoni cut up into pieces to spell "I love u", brought him a mountain dew (his favorite soda), made him some Hershey kiss shaped Rice Krispie treats (which used to be my favorite cereal, by the way, and I would hold the box next to me so no one could eat them), got him a cupcake, and some other stuff, too. I wouldn't just do that for anyone!

"What we can do for another is the test of powers; what we can suffer is the test of love."
-Brooke Foss Westcott

I am not saying don't make mistakes...just don't make the same mistake twice!